


The Castiel Horror Picture Show

by Slickarus



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Parody, Rocky Horror Picture Show - Freeform, Sabriel - Freeform, Singing, narrator - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 13:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1781368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slickarus/pseuds/Slickarus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean end up at a mysterious castle, where they meet the transvestite, Gabriel, as he is making his greatest scientific achievement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Castiel Horror Picture Show

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily borrows from RHPS, including dialogue and situations. Although Sam and Dean represent Brad and Janet, there is no Wincest in the story. Set in a universe where there are hunters, but the Winchester brothers aren't.

_I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Dean Winchester and his brother, Sam: two young, ordinary, healthy men,_ _left Sioux Falls that late November evening to visit a Mr. Bobby Singer, a mentor and now friend to both of them. It’s true that there were dark storm clouds: heavy, black, and pendulous, toward which they were driving. It’s true also that the tank of their car was badly in need of some gas. But, they being normal boys and on a night out, well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the event of their evening. On a night out: it was a night out they were going to remember for a very long time._

 

The lightning cracked outside, followed almost immediately by a loud roll of thunder. The rain was pouring down in heavy sheets, making it very hard for Dean to drive.

            “Damnit Sam! I knew we should have waited until tomorrow to go to Bobby’s.”

            “Relax Dean, I think I see his house over there.” It was dark, so they couldn’t quite make out the ominous shape looming ahead of them. As they drew nearer, they realized that it wasn’t Bobby’s house at all, but some kind of castle.

            “Well, screw this, we must’ve taken a wrong turn.” Dean put the Impala in reverse, but then it sputtered to a halt.

            “Sam! Did you forget to fill her up? You know that whenever you drive her, you have to get gas, and last I checked, you were the last one driving her!”

            “I’m sorry! God, we can just go ask for help at that house up there. It looks like there are lights on.”

            Dean raised an eyebrow.    

            “You want to go into a creepy-ass castle to make a phone call? Are you out of your goddamned mind?”

            “Hey, it can’t hurt to try. Besides, do you want to spend the night in the car?”

            “I’ve done it before.”

            Sam sighed. “Fine, but I’m going up to check it out, at any rate. You can join me if you’re not feeling too chicken.”

            “Bitch.”

            “Jerk. Come on, let’s go.”

            The rain was much worse when they were actually walking in it.

            “This has got to be one of the worst ideas you have ever had.” Dean’s leather jacket was slick with water as they trudged through the mud. “I’m cold, I’m wet, and I’m about to ask for help in the freakiest building I’ve seen in my life, and that’s saying something, because we’ve been to a _lot_ of motels.”

            “Yeah, yeah, shut up.” Sam’s long hair was plastered to the sides of his face. He pushed a clump out of his eyes. “Look, we’re here.”

            Sam looked nervously at the massive wooden doors as he rang the doorbell. He found it odd that such an ancient-looking castle would have a doorbell.

            The old thing creaked open slowly to reveal a man with short, blonde hair. He was dressed in a tattered suit of some kind; he looked at Dean, and then to Sam.

            “Hello,” he said eerily. He had a British accent, even though they were in the middle of the country.

            “Hi,” Sam stepped forward and offered a hand to shake. When the British guy didn’t take it, he drew back. “I’m Sam Winchester, and this is my brother, Dean. I wonder if you’d mind helping us, you see, our car ran out of gas just down the road. Is there any chance you have a telephone we could use?”

            The British butler looked at them for a long moment.

            “You’re wet,” He finally commented.

            “Yeah, genius, it’s raining,” Dean said, frustrated. He already had enough with the haunted castle thing, he wanted out. Sam elbowed him in the ribs.

            “I think you’d better both come inside.”

            If the exterior of the house was creepy, the interior was just plain weird. The walls were painted as if the artist couldn’t decide what color to use, so all of them were splashed around the rooms. There were portraits hanging, but instead of pictures of beloved family members, there were a bunch of framed nudes, both men and women. Sam kept his eyes trained on the butler, but Dean was rather…distracted.

            “So, who do you think lives here?” Sam said to Dean.

            “My best guess is crazy pornstar-turned-millionaire.”  
            The two could hear the sound of music and the light buzz of chatter coming from somewhere.

            “Is, uh, someone having a party?”

            A woman wearing a distressed maid’s outfit with bright red hair perked her head up. Sam and Dean jumped. She had been standing there the whole time, but they only just noticed her.

            “This is a very special night for the master of this house,” she said, running her hand along Sam’s back and making him shudder.

            Without a word, the two walked to a pair of light pink double doors and threw them open. Everyone turned to stare at the brothers. It was a large ballroom with sky blue walls, full of… _interesting_ people. They were dressed in all different types of clothes. Some were professional, dressed in suits and elegant dresses; some looked like they had just been begging on the side of the street. Some were dancing, some were eating from the buffet that consisted solely of pastries and candy, and some appeared to be chatting amongst one another.

            “Okay, Sam, I’ve officially decided that we’re leaving,” Dean said under his breath. Sam nodded in agreement, and they slowly backed out of the room. Suddenly they heard the creaking of an elevator (yes, an elevator) behind them. The door opened as Sam and Dean turned around.

            The figure in the elevator, the master of the house, was shorter than both of the Winchesters despite his six-inch heels. He was wearing a cape around his shoulders that covered whatever he had on underneath. Dean hoped that he did, in fact, have on something underneath. His lips were painted blood red, and his hair was dark blonde and teased. He smiled at the two boys behind his makeup.

            “How do you do? I must say I am only slightly disappointed, I thought you were the candy man.” He stepped out of the elevator and began to walk down through the party, which parted to make a path for him. “My, isn’t it warm in here,” he said as he reached the other end of the room. He whipped off the cape. Dean had never wanted to gouge his eyes out so much as at that moment.

            The man was wearing fishnet stockings and garters that went up to his bright red panties. He also had on a bustier, a matching cherry color. And that was about all he had on. The crossdresser walked over to the table with refreshments and began to fill up a cup of pink lemonade. Sam gulped.

            “Um, hi, we ran out of gas, and were wondering if you had a phone we could use? We just want to make a quick call, then we’ll be on our way.” The man finished his beverage before acknowledging their existence.

            “Don’t worry, ladies,” he said as he tossed his cup aside. “I’ll call you up a mechanic. But for now, since there’s such an excellent party going on, I’d like to invite you up to my laboratory to see my latest and greatest toy.” He snapped his fingers and disappeared, leaving nothing behind but the sound of fluttering wings.

            The partygoers all filed out leaving the Winchesters, the two housekeepers, and a third woman who must have been another servant of sorts. She was dressed differently, in a sequined outfit.

            Dean felt his jacket lifted off his shoulders by the butler.

            “Oh, um, thanks,” Sam said as the maid did the same to him. But they didn’t stop there. Off went their shirts, and then everything else.

            “Slowly, slowly,” the girl in the sequins said, looking at Sam and licking her lips. “It’s too nice of a job to rush.”

            When Sam and Dean were wearing nothing but their boxers, the servants walked into the elevator, gesturing for them to follow.

            “Come now, Gabriel doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” Truth be told, the elevator was not nearly big enough to fit five people, let alone three people and two large men. However, it made its journey without so much as a hitch.

           

* * *

 

            The laboratory was certainly something. It looked a bit like a grand bathroom, with pale pink tiles coating every surface. There were a few very huge, very _naked_ statues that were very well endowed in… _that_ region.

            Our host now wore a hot pink lab coat and stood waiting as the party stepped out of the elevator. The rest of the guests now stood on the balcony that wrapped around the room.

            “Becky,” he said as the sequin girl stepped out from behind the Winchesters. “Anael.” She, too, stepped out at the mention of her name. “Go and assist Balthazar with the preparations as I entertain, er,” Gabriel extended a hand to Dean.

            “I’m Dean, and this is Sam.”

            “Pleased to meet you,” the doctor said as he kissed Sam’s hand. Sam and Dean looked at each other. What kind of freak show was this?

            “I’d offer you something to cover up, but it’s too nice of a show to miss,” his eyes trailed down Sam’s body. Dean had quite enough of this.

            “You listen here-”

            “Ladies and gentlemen,” Gabriel said as he stepped behind the microphone. Sam and Dean backed up towards the elevator. “Well, I guess it’s more accurate to say ‘lady, gentlemen, and angels’. Tonight, you are about to witness my greatest feat. Many a time have we been able to recreate life. Been there, done that. But tonight, I will be the first to make an entirely new angel!” The crowd hooted. Dean and Sam clapped politely.

            Gabriel turned to a big…thing that was covered in a red cloth.

            “Hooplah!” He said, throwing his hands up in the air. The girls whipped the fabric away with a flourish. Underneath was some sort of tank, with a figure inside that was bandaged from head to toe. Everyone gasped. Gabriel began painting weird symbols on the side of the tank.

            Balthazar started to turn a wheel on the kooky control panel, and a large light lowered. It was connected to a bunch of tubes and multicolored nozzles. The doctor furiously began to open the valves, letting stream after stream of colored liquid pour into the tank. When a perfect rainbow spectrum formed in the waters, he closed the nozzles.

            “One more thing,” He carefully took a tube of candy sugar from his pocket, opened it, and poured a little into his mouth, then the rest into the tank. All of the colors took on a slightly pinkish tint.

            “Now!” He cried. There was a great flash of light, and when it dissipated, all the sigils were gone. The liquid had disappeared as well, leaving the bandaged person at the bottom of the tank. Then, he began to move his arms. Gabriel shrieked with delight. Becky reached over the glass to pull the bandages from his face. Everyone stared, and the new man was looking with intense blue eyes at…Dean. Becky and Anael helped him out of the tank and began to take off his bandages, while Gabriel was getting touchy. What was beneath the wrappings was surely a sight to see. The man was perfectly chiseled, and wearing nothing more than a light blue speedo. It matched his eyes, Dean thought.

            “Welcome to the world…Castiel!” Everyone cheered and whistled.

            “He’s a credit to your genius,” Balthazar said.

            “A triumph of your will,” Anael added.

            Becky took a look at all that muscle. “He’s not bad,” she agreed.

            “Not bad? Not _bad_?” Gabriel all but shouted. “He’s much more than ‘not bad’.”

            He took Castiel’s hand and led him over to where Sam and Dean stood. “What do you think, boys?”

            Dean was awestruck in silence. “I, uh, I’m not into men…” Sam said hesitantly.

            “I didn’t make him for you, knucklehead.” Gabriel walked his new toy over to the center of the crowd. “ _I_ happen to think that he’s absolutely perfect.” The crowd cheered again. Castiel had no reaction to this and just looked around, curious. His mouth said the first word he could access.

            “H-hello,” the new angel said, his mouth slowly forming the sounds.

            “He speaks!” Gabriel threw his arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “My baby, are you and I going to have a good time!”

            Castiel thought that he should smile at this statement, so he did.

            “But you’re not finished yet,” Gabriel continued. “We’ll soon be getting you shipshape with a wonderful workout regimen created by, oh yes, _me_!” He patted Castiel on the bicep. “But since it is your birthday, I thought we’d have a little fun first.” He waved his hand, and the girls pulled aside some curtains that led to a bedroom of sorts decked out like a honeymoon suite. “Take me away!” Gabriel leapt into Castiel’s arms and he carried him to the bed, shooting one last look at the green-eyed stranger. The curtains closed and a shriek of joy came from within that could only belong to the doctor.

            “Come with me,” Becky said to Sam. She led him to his bedroom, and handed him a silk robe. “If there’s anything you need at all, just let me know.” She leaned close to him and whispered “ _anything._ ”

            Dean was also taken to a room and given a robe by Anael. He then lay in the bed with his arms crossed on top of his chest. Why, of all of the possible houses they could have stumbled upon, did they have to be in this one? Everything that happened was weird and crazy and made no sense. He sighed, unaware that the night wasn’t going to end there.

* * *

 

            Dean wasn’t even asleep when there was a knock on the door.

            “Who’s there?” Dean reached instinctively for his pocketknife, but realized he left it in his jacket. Damnit.

            “It’s just me, Dean.” It was dark, so Dean could see only a silhouette that looked kind of Sam-ish. Plus he had his voice. “Let’s get out of here. I’ve changed my mind.”

            “Come on, don’t be a sissy,” Dean said, thinking of the blue eyed angel. He wasn’t ready to leave him behind, not just yet. “It’s just one night.”

            “You’re right,” Sam started walking closer.

            “What the hell are you doing?” Suddenly, Sam shrank into the doctor. He put his hand on the side of Dean’s face.

            “Oh, Dean-”

            “Get away from me, creep,” he said as he shoved him with some force.

            “But I-”

            “Out. Now,” he growled. Gabriel pouted and left. Normally he could get into anyone’s bed if he tried hard enough. Dean was different. Why did he want to stay in the castle though? Any sane person would’ve hightailed it immediately.

            There was a knock on Sam’s door. He rolled out of bed, hoping it wasn’t Becky _again_ , asking if he needed anything else.

            “What are you doing here?” A confused Sam looked down at the doctor, puny in comparison. Gabriel smirked.

            “This.” He grabbed Sam’s robe and pulled him down into a wet kiss.

            “What the-”

            “Shh.” Gabriel put a finger to Sam’s lips and pushed him down on the bed.

            “I can’t do this. I’m-I’m not gay,” Sam protested.

            “Come on Sammy, there’s no harm in giving yourself over to pleasure.” Gabriel trailed kisses down Sam’s chest.

            “Fine, but don’t tell Dean. If I sleep with a man, he’ll have enough ammunition against me to last several lifetimes.”

            “Oh, I won’t. I swear to Go- _oumph_.” Gabriel’s words were cut off by the penis that was in his mouth.

* * *

 

            Castiel stood in the bedroom, wearing nothing but his speedo. He was rather confused. The man with whom he had just had… _intercourse_ , Gabriel, had disappeared, leaving Cas by himself. Being an angel, he didn’t need to sleep, so all he could do was stand.

            In the laboratory, Balthazar and Anael were mopping up. Well, mopping was an overstatement. They were splashing soapy water on the floor and swishing around a broom. Not a mop, a broom.

            “ _I’m bored out of my skull,_ ” Anael telepathically messaged Balthazar.

            “ _Same here. What do you say we have a little fun with ol’ speedo over there?_ ”

            Anael glanced over and nodded.

            Balthazar started walking towards Castiel, a strange smile on his face. He pulled out a silver blade and Castiel’s eyes widened. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, but he had to get away from it. He started to make a dash for it, Balthazar laughing and shaking it at him. Castiel ran to the elevator and started climbing down the shaft, as he didn’t know how to teleport yet. Balthazar and Anael stayed behind, laughing at the crazed fear that was on his face.

 

* * *

 

            Sam was so fucking close when a screen appeared from nowhere with the butler guy’s face on it.

            “Sir,” he said, completely unfazed by the fact that Gabriel had a cock in his mouth. “Your creation has escaped. Anael and I are sending out the dogs.”

            “Eh? I’ll be right there,” Gabriel waved Balthazar away, and a few seconds later he tasted the salty flavor of Sam’s cum in his mouth.

            There were hounds chasing Castiel through the castle grounds. They were loud, and had sharp teeth. Cas tripped over a bush and lay sprawled on the ground, muddy and bleeding. He waited for them to run past him before finding his way back inside.

            Dean was finally fed up. First, they took his clothes. Then, the doctor wanted to bang him. He was going to find someone and demand to be taken to a phone if it killed him. He stumbled down the carpeted hallways until he came to the elevator. Maybe there was someone still in the laboratory. It couldn’t hurt to check. When he got there, it looked empty. He was about to go back down when he noticed a monitor labeled ‘viewing screen’. Maybe he could use it to find someone. He flipped the lever, and a picture came up of Sam and Gabriel lying next to each other in bed and grinning like kids on Christmas. Dean wasn’t sure if he should laugh or puke.

            He heard a noise from inside the tank, and went over to investigate. It was the angel, Castiel. His piercing blue eyes seemed to be staring straight through Dean as he looked up at him. He was cut on his hands

            “What happened to you?” Dean leaned down and picked up Castiel’s hand. The angel struggled to find the words.

            “The…dogs were chasing me. I was afraid.”

            “Oh, it’s okay,” Dean was reminded of when Sammy got hurt as a kid, and tried to channel that same tone. Cas looked at him and smiled, placing his had on Dean’s.

_“_ _Emotion: Agitation or disturbance of mind; vehement or excited mental state.” It is also a powerful and irrational master. And from what Becky and Anael eagerly viewed on their television monitor, there seemed little doubt that Dean was indeed its slave._

            Becky painted a fierce red onto Anael’s toes as the redhead was busying herself with the blow drier.

            “Oh, what’s this?” Anael flipped the switch on the monitor to the laboratory camera, and Dean appeared on the screen as he ran his fingers through Cas’s hair.

            “Oooh, this is almost as good as watching Sam’s room.” Anael rolled her eyes.

            “Only _you_ would want to see that.” Becky shrugged her shoulders.

            “Do you think Dean’s a virgin?”

            “Probably not, but I don’t get the impression that he’s gay either.”

            Dean climbed into the tank, trailing his hands across Castiel’s back.

            “I’ve never, uh, done this.” He admitted. Castiel said nothing, just kept staring.

            “Fuck me, Cas,” Dean said, dropping the rest of his name. “I need to know what it feels like.”

            Cas’s two hands felt like a million all over Dean as he discovered every inch of his body. Cas had done something like this with Gabriel, but that had been different. He felt like a doll with his creator. With Dean it was different. New. He felt something weird inside of him.

            To be honest, Dean didn’t really know how he ended up having sex with an angel. It was the air in this place, for sure. Sweet and heavy, decadent. It made you feel passionate and kind of horny. That’s probably why Gabriel managed to coax Sam into bed with him.

            But Castiel was not the same. Sure, that initial thirsty remark is what started the whole bang-fest, but even now, as they lay together under the red cloth that had been covering the tank, he was content just to hear Cas breathe.

            “Well, mark me down as horny after watching that,’ Becky commented. Anael wiggled her eyebrows.

            “Care to do something about that?”

            “You know me so well.”

* * *

 

            “You absolute bonehead!” Gabriel kicked Balthazar out onto the laboratory floor. He was now wearing Sam’s robe. “Do you have any idea what could happen? He has the ability to teleport, for God’s sake!”

            “I was only away for a moment.”

            “Well, find him! Use the monitor!”

            Balthazar stumbled over to the screen.

            “Sir, I think you’ll want to see this.” The monitor showed an older man in a wheelchair picking the lock of the castle.

            “Hey, it’s Bobby!” Sam exclaimed.

            “You know this man?”

            “Yeah, he practically raised Dean and me.”

            “I see. So this wasn’t an accidental meeting. You came here for a reason.”

            “Woah, slow down. I’m here because I ran out of gas.”

            “Likely story. You see, Bobby Singer is not unknown to me. He happens to be one of the most prominent hunters in the country. You two knuckleheads are probably here to scope out the scene, are you not?”

            “Hunter? What the hell are you talking about?”

            “We’ll just have to bring Mr. Singer here to chat, won’t we.” Gabriel flipped a lever that caused a large magnet to appear. A few moments later, Bobby crashed through the wall, rolled across the floor, and slammed into the magnet.

            “Bobby!”

            “Sam, what are you doing here? And where’s Dean? You two idjits are always getting into some sort of trouble, I swear to-”

            “Save it, Bobby. You know perfectly well what the giant and his brother are doing here.”

            A noise suddenly came from the tank. Gabriel walked over and whipped away the cloth to reveal Castiel and Dean. They both jumped up, embarrassed.

            “Dean!” Sam said.

            “Sam!”

            “Dean!” Bobby exclaimed.

            “Bobby!”

            “Castiel!” Gabriel whined. Castiel whipped his head around to stare at the doctor.

            “Dean!”

            “Sam!”

            “Dean!”

            “Bobby!”

            “Castiel!”

            “Dean!”

            “Sam!”

            “Dean!”

            “Bobby!”

            “Castiel!”

            The ringing of a gong broke this repetitive shouting.

            “Dinner is prepared, sir,” Anael announced.

            “Well then,” Gabriel said. “I would like to invite you all to dinner. Clothing…optional,” he said as he eyed Sam’s abs.

            The dining table was covered in sweets. They should have expected as much after seeing their host’s spread at the party. Balthazar and Anael were haphazardly tossing plates and cutlery on the table and sloshing juice into the glasses of the guests. Gabriel sat at the head of the table, with Becky at his right, still in her pajamas. Sam sat on his left, next to Dean. Castiel sat next to Becky, and Bobby was at the other end. Everyone waited in awkward silence as the housekeepers “set” the table.

            Balthazar rolled in a squeaky cart with a covered platter. Underneath was, of course, a large chocolate cake. Gabriel began cutting it and the servants tossed pieces onto everyone’s plates, more or less.

            Gabe lifted his glass.

            “A toast,” he said. “To new _friends_.” Everybody started digging into the cake. It was actually pretty good.

            “Hold on, you got a little something there, Sammy.” Gabriel leaned forward and grabbed the stray chink of cake away with his mouth.

            “Excuse me,” Becky said curtly as she stood up and left the room. She ran down the hall and threw herself onto her bed. First the angel, and now this? Sure, Gabriel had a lot of sex, but that’s all it was. Sex. There was no cake-kissing afterwards, nothing of the sort. Was she only kept around as an extra set of hands?

            Back in the dining room, everyone was silent.

            “Doctor,” Bobby said. “I’m here to ask about Adam.” Gabriel’s eyes widened.

            “What do you know of Adam?”

            “Who’s Adam?”

            “I feel I need to educate you boys. You see, Adam was your half-brother.” Sam and Dean gasped. Dad never mentioned anything of the sort.

            “He came here some time ago,” Bobby continued. “And I only knew because of this note I found.” He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper with blood instead of ink on it. The note read:

            “ _I’m out of my head. Hurry, or I may be dead. They mustn’t carry out their evil deeds._

_-Adam”_

            “What evil deeds?” Sam asked. They hadn’t met any Adams here. Was he already dead?

            “I’m afraid there was a…mishap with Adam. You see, he was charming, but he didn’t _feel_ anything. So, when I needed to experiment for Cassy here…”

            The room fell silent. 

            “Where the hell is he now, you bastard?” Gabriel smirked, and grabbed the tablecloth. He tore it off, taking all the plates with it. Everyone jumped up. Underneath the glass top of the table was a rotted corpse. Castiel ran to Dean, who put an arm around the angel. Gabriel came over to Dean and slapped him in the face. For such a tiny man, he packed quite the punch. It must have been the angel about him. He had felt a similar power when Cas fucked him. Hell, he was still sore from that.

            Dean ran. He was pretty good at running, too. But he was no match for an angel that could zap right in front of him.

            “You’d better wise up, Dean,” Gabriel chuckled as Dean struggled to escape the field he created with his spell. Dean kneed Gabriel in the balls, which shocked the angel enough that the spell let up and Dean could keep dashing. Meanwhile, Sam wheeled Bobby towards the lab. Anael and Balthazar couldn’t contain themselves and were on the floor, shaking with laughter.

            “You know what tastes nice? Your brother’s apple pie.” He smirked and let Dean keep running.

            “That doesn’t even make sense!” Dean shouted back.

            Gabriel zapped again.

            “Tastes better that ol’ Cassy’s.”

            “That does it.” Dean reached to swing at Gabriel, but the angel was too quick. They were standing in the lab. So were Bobby, Sam, Castiel, Balthazar, Anael, and a confused Becky wearing nothing but her underwear. Gabriel had clearly zapped her in the middle of changing.

            The doctor reached over to the control panel and flipped a lever.

            “What the hell, man?” Dean said as he tried to move his feet. They wouldn’t budge. Sam and Bobby had the same problem.

            “It’s as if we’re glued to the spot,” Sam remarked.

            “You are! Isn’t this _fun_?” Gabriel strolled over to a very exposed Sam and ran a hand across his chest.

            “You hurt one hair on his head, and I swear I’ll…I’ll-”

            Gabriel nodded a head at Anael, who flipped another switch, subsequently turning Dean into a stone statue. His underwear fell off in the process and Gabriel’s eyebrows shot up.

            “You stop that, pervert.” Bobby said. He was then statue-fied. Thankfully, his clothes stayed on.

            “Okay, now this is a whole different kind of crazy,” Sam said

            “Oh, come on baby, now we’re all alone. Well, mostly.” Sam shook his head.

            “Not until you turn them back.” Gabriel groaned dramatically. Sam was then petrified.

            “My God! I can't stand any more of this!” Becky began walking down the ramp towards Gabriel. “First you spurn me for Castiel, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Sam! You chew people up and then you spit them out again.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I loved you. Do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've had enough. You're going to choose between me and them, because I can’t put up with you and your games anymore.”

            Gabriel stared at her for a long moment before giving the signal to make her into a statue. Castiel, who was still standing there, was petrified as well.

            The doctor sighed. Anael rolled her eyes and stomped over to Gabriel.

            “This is not making good use of our mission. If I may, I suggest-”

            “Who’s the one giving orders here? Hello, you’re supposed to follow them!” Gabriel shook his head. “I’m just getting a little…sidetracked. That’s all. It’ll be over soon. Chill.”

            “She’s right, you know,” Balthazar added. “We are not to be used as objects for you to entertain your every whim and fancy. You have the power to create those who will do that.”

            “Patience, Balthy. Right now, we need to get set up for the floorshow. Then we can have a chat about this. Go. Now.” The servants huffed off.

        _And so, by some extraordinary coincidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Sam and Dean should keep that appointment with their friend, Mr. Bobby Singer. But it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly forseen. And, just a few hours after arriving at the castle, Sam and Dean had both tasted...a different fruit. This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals...and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floorshow that is spoken ofIn an empty house, in the middle of the night. What diabolical plan had seized Gabriel’s crazed imagination? What indeed, from what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be no picnic…_    

* * *

            After a lot of tugging (and some angelic magic) Gabe _finally_ managed to dress his wonderful statues. Each had on a black and red sparkly outfit that matched his, complete with those towering spike heels and feather boas. It was hard to believe that Sam could be even taller than he already was. Gabriel had painted their faces as well, so they looked like his little dolls. He created a lovely stage to put them on, and pushed Bobby to stage right. The old man definitely couldn’t dance, let alone sing. The doctor finished up the trance spell and snapped his fingers. A jazzy tune started playing, and Gabriel flipped the switch to de-petrify Becky for her solo. She danced as she sang, complete with high kicks.             

“ _It was great when it all began,_

_I was a regular Gabey fan._

_But it was over when he had the plan_

_To start working on an angel man._

_Now the only thing that gives me hope_

_Is my love of a certain dope._

_Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my troubles and pain.”_               

Gabriel, who was watching from the empty audience, happily noted that Becky’s bustier had slipped down a little to reveal her nipples. Her dreamlike state made it so she didn’t notice, or care.              

Next was Cas. His voice was surprisingly rich. Gabe was proud of it.              

“ _I’m just seven hours old._

_Truly beautiful, to behold._

_And somebody should be told_

_My libido hasn’t been controlled.”_ Even in the back of his clouded mind, Cas wasn’t singing about Gabriel. He was singing about those green eyes.              

_“Now the only thing I’ve come to trust-”_ (Dean! He trusted Dean. Not Gabe! Why couldn’t he tell him?)              

“ _Is an orgasmic rush of lust._

_Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.”_               

Sam was next, and Gabriel licked his lips as the giant wobbled along on those heels.              

_“It’s beyond me._

_Help me, Bobby.”_ Gabriel raised an eyebrow. He was pretty sure Sam was supposed to say ‘mommy’. Did he mess something up?              

“ _I’ll be good, you’ll see._

_Take this dream away._

_What’s this? Let’s see:_

_I feel…sexy._

_What’s come over me?_

_Woah! Here it comes again!”_               

Dean was the last to go. He began dancing with a newfound courage, shaking his thing.              

“ _I feel released._

_Bad times deceased_

_My confidence has increased_

_Reality is here!_

_The game has been disbanded_

_My mind has been expanded_

_It’s a gas that Cassy’s landed-”_ What the hell was going on? Sam wasn’t singing the right words, Dean wasn’t singing the right words, and Cas kept looking at the older Winchester like he wanted to throw him down and fuck him right then and there. It was like some part of them had seeped past the seal that was cast and trickled into the lyrics.              

“ _-His lust is so sincere.”_ Dean pursed his lips. Gabriel rolled his eyes. At least _his_ song would go smoothly. He teleported to his spot on the stage, but he tripped on his own heels. He crashed into something, which sent the whole set to fall over. The next thing he knew, there were four very confused people (well, one was an angel) on the stage.              

“What the hell?” Dean said, realizing what he was wearing. He then spotted Cas in the same getup and couldn’t help but stare.              

Becky glanced down at her exposed breasts and shrieked.              

“You pig! That’s it, I’m through with you.” She ran crying from the room before Gabriel could stop her.              

Sam was busy laughing his ass off. He couldn’t help it, really. The sheer sight of his brother in women’s underwear was almost worth being dressed just the same. He then noticed the statue in the wing.              

“Bobby!” He ran over and flipped the switch to get him back to normal.              

“Sam! What the hell are you wearing?”              

“Everybody shut up!” Gabriel shouted. Suddenly, none of them could talk. Cas’s mouth flapped open and closed like a fish, trying to say something. “Now then. Where were we?” He walked over to Sam. “I’m awfully sorry that all this had to happen, sweetheart. You okay?”              

Sam suddenly found his voice. “Look. You’re awesome, and sex with you is great,” (Dean was practically dying with silent laughter on the other end of the stage), “but I can’t stay if you keep doing this. This…controlling me, and other people. I don’t want to be your sex toy, and I don’t want to be one of many…concubines.” Gabriel smirked.              

“Fine. Have it your way.” He snapped his fingers and everyone could hear Dean’s explosions of laughter. “Damn it, Sam, I love you.”              

“Uh-” he was interrupted by the lips on top of his own.              

“Despite this being the weirdest day of my life,” Dean said, now crying from laughter, “this is by far the best.”              

“Oh, shut up,” Sam said. “You banged the angel.”              

“The angel wasn’t wearing women’s clothing, bitch.”              

“Jerk. And he was wearing a _speedo_. As if that makes it any less gay.” Dean threw a defensive arm around Cas.              

“It does. And we’re going now, so you can stay here with your…uh…”              

The doors to the theater burst open. Standing in the doorway were Anael and Balthazar.              

“Gabriel. You must stop this waste of time. Our mission was to create Castiel, and we have done that.”              

“Are you questioning orders?”              

“No. We are following them.” Gabe rolled his eyes.              

“You two are a hoot.” The doctor snapped his fingers again, and they were gone.              

“Where are they?”              

“Who cares? Now Dean, didn’t you say you were leaving?” Gabriel began unlacing Sam’s corset.              

“Yeah…C’mon Cas, let’s get out of this freak show.” He grabbed the angel’s hand, and before he knew it, they were standing outside the house. “What just happened?”              

“I believe I have figured out how to…fly.”              

“I can’t believe you two idjits were messing around with angels. You should know better than that.”              

“I didn’t even know angels existed before tonight!” Dean protested.              

“Aren’t you glad they do?” Castiel asked. Dean smiled at him.              

“Yes.”              

Kissing Cas was almost good enough to erase the image of Sam and Gabriel fucking on the stage from his head.  

 


End file.
